Writing and understanding the art of grunts.

I want to be a writer. True, I'm not very good at it, I don't particually have the most comical of personalities, but it's the only thing I enjoy that I have a chance of doing. so, what does a person do to become a writer? They enroll at university of course! Not long ago I got my acceptance letter from the grand and convenient university of Cumbria, all I need do is pass my access course and I'm in! Happy times, I've been working hard, gaining merits and even a distinction.
However, a thought came to me like a bolt of lightning.....Maybe I should read (as in properly read) the course outline, you know, the course I've already applied for and been accepted.....the one that costs £3650 a year....the one that I originally glanced at and thought  "ooh English and creative writing, that'll do". Yeh.... Maybe I should have looked first!
Now, bearing in mind I left school at 14, have no GCSE's to speak of and have rolled from one hobby to another in hopes of finding something I can do at home, you would think I would have more brains than to enroll on an academic university course more or less blindly. The course is set out in a hoard of investigative assignments, assessment by peers and lots and lots of creative work to in the end create a portfolio, full of poetry, short stories and articles.... Mmmm, not sure about that. The only writing I've done is my book (which still needs polishing) a story which I didn't continue with, and a host of short stories and ideas. No poetry and no articles! I only write fantasy fiction! Safe to say, I need to brush up on study and get some creativity flowing!
 Maybe if I bring in cake to every class, they may just feel sorry for me and love me through the art of cake!

Anyway, lets move on to the whinging about the house. More viewers cancelling at last minute, more days spent cleaning. Never mind though, still in the mood for a damn big drunken doo... May have to give the house a good send off when we finally do sell it!

From my title you may be wondering what the hell is "the art of grunts"?
Christian, now almost fourteen, is at the teenager stage and, as when you have a baby, you recognise the different cries, I think I have now perfected the understanding of the teenage grunt language.

A deep grumble with a semi tone higher at the end = Frustrated, go away.
A deep grumble with a semi tone lower at the end = Angry, I want to hit you.
A monotone grumble = Can't be arsed answering your question.
Quick sharp grunt = I can't get my own way, so I will see if I can get away with grunting at you.
Grunt that turns into a loud growl = Brothers are in his room.

I will have to study this new language further and look into copywrite. Or maybe not, that would mean hanging round teenagers!